Really determined.....

Now it is 3:57 in the am, and my dumb ass is up typing on the computer like i don't have to be at work @ 9am. hmmmm I wouldn't say that I am pissed off or anything but it really does bother me for people that are trying to loose weight not give it their all. What I mean by that is for example I have a new pod buddy @ work and she is the size I was orig. before i started to loose weight, and she is like girlll what r u doing? I let her know that I am not doing all of the sinceless snacking and if i do i'm eating baked lays and not regular ones, and i am drinking water, wylers lyte or crystal lyte, drinking slim fast, and so on... and 10-minutes later she pulls a bag of regular ruffles out of the drawer and was like girllll i'm going to start eating right tomorrow.. lol.. she says this shit everyday and i'm like baby girl u don't have to try to impress me. I am loosing weight for me. I don't have low self esteem. I know I am a show stopper... what...... holla....lol.. :-) But anyway.. then she pulled a fried ham, cheese, sandwich out of her drawer wrapped in foil.. im like WTF.... are u eating over there smelling like u have a microwave under your desk. Girl nothin... yeah ok... then 10-minutes later she is like ok ok i'm going to stop, but i need your help. I was like no u need your own help. First you need not to be nasty get a handy wipe or some hand cleanser and wipe the nasty greese off of your hands before u pick up my book then you may continue to talk to me....lol... It's like most people want to loose weight because they see others like myself loosing it, and they don't want to be left behind. DO IT FOR YOU NOT FOR ME..... I have an outgoing personality, and once i am determined to do something I will do it. I think it is the competitive part of my mother in me that refuses to fail. I will never do something with the intention of putting in 1/2 of my best. I will put 110% in or i wont do it at all. I guess that is why it took me 3-years to start again after i gained the weight back from having my son.

The same person was like well what is your size goal and i was like well a size 10 and she was like ohhhhh noooo girl u will look like a crack head... and i was like ok well once i get to a size 11 or 12 if i am ok with that then i will maintain that, but it's not about what u may like because i c u like being overweight and fine where u are. It's about being ok with yourself, and she was like well have u ever been a size 10 before and i was like NOPE... and she was like well why not a size 14 and i said because a size 14 is too close to a size 18 which is not ok for me to be in. Do u understand that it is still an unhealty weight rang and size for a person. I was like if u can gain 10-15lbs and have to go to the next size that's not cool... I want to have a cushion meaning if my weight goes up and down a tad i will still be in the same size... A size 10 may not be ok for u but im sure it will be ok for me. I said I have never been a millionaire before and I believe I can make that happen as well.. Now what....

I think more or less it just buggs the hell out of me to see people that want to loose weight but not want to put in the work to get there. I need the assistance with the band so i wont be as hungry, but at the same time i'm willing to put in the work by not eating the same bull shit that got me fat in the first place, and getting up off my fat azz and work out... I wish everyone that wanted to loose weight would just wait until they are really truly ready then start the process, but it ain't cool to start on a diet every other monday. Trust and believe me when i say other's bad habits are not going to make me turn around because I know who I am and what i want out of this life, and I have made the decision to stop being a slave to food... How about that......