Trying not to be sad today....

Well today I am starting to go thru things so I can start to pack... so ready for my move... My son has my mother cell phone and he is playing with it. She would always give him her phone. The phone is still turned on i refuse to allow my father to get it turned off because her voice is still on her voice mail. I havent listened to it in a long while but when my baby had her phone he was like mommy call me on grannys phone.. I did and he pushed the wrong button and it went to her voice mail.. I started crying because I havent heard my mothers voice since Nov. 23, 2006 and it was so hard to hear her and not talk to her... I want to scream my freekin head off.... This shit is so hard to deal with... I miss my mother like crazy... and then out of no where my son says mommy when granny feels better I want to see her... I miss her mommy why can't i see granny..... I couldn't answer him and still havent answered him.... I can't because I want to see her too.... I have my moments where I am as strong as oak and other moments where I am as weak as a dried leaf... I know God has not bought me this far to leave me.....