Ok!!!!!

Now yesterday I went to workout and i worked out for 1 1/2-hrs.. Yes, yes, yes I am so happy with myself. I am going today to workout and after I am done of course I will come back home shower and go and pick up my Todd....Yes my big boy spent the weekend with his gandmother (his dad's mom).. I know he misses my mom because he calls my mom granny and his dad's mother grandma and before i dropped him of on friday he was like mommy i miss my granny that was in the hospital. I love her... and I love my grandma I want to give her a big hug... I know he will always remember my mom... any whoo I really do feel good today i finally told my father yesterday that todd and i are moving out on july 19th and that it is harder than i could have ever imagined, and then he was like u know i don't think u miss her 1-minute more than i do... hmmm im sure because he would put all of the responsibility on her to make ends meet... like if the total monthly bill amt. came to 2500.00 a month he would give her 1000.00 and say oh well u figure it out... and she would.. thats why his black ass misses her because he actually has to be a man now.. and no one else is going to allow him to put a heavy load on them like my mom did... so in that regard i will agree...lol..... Then he was like well u could have given me a little more of a warning couldn't u? hmmmm well i actually related it to well i had no idea that my brother was going to be killed on that monday in november, and no clue that the day after thanksgiving my mother would be passing.. so nope this is the only heads up i was able to give... and i didn't say sorry 1x.... Today is a new day and God is great all the time.... Oh well i will prob. post again once i come from the gym again....

Things are going.....lol

Well wednesday I was in the middle of my morning workout and my damn elliptical machine was making this loud clicking noise...hmmm what could it be... i got off and shook it and got back on it and the lift leg just fell off.. Never the less i was pissed off but i am not going to be thrown off track... I got off and said ok its a wrap i took my shower and got my son up and got him ready for summer camp... the next day i decided to go and look a little further into what the problem was with my expensive elliptical machine... come to find out the steel bar that holds it together just broke in half.... I am so sure that it was a manufactur mistake..but i have had it for over a year and i did not buy an extended warranty....UGGGGGG that is my fault... I said that i was going to go back to buy it but i never did.. So that was my fault... so i guess i will have to start going back to the gym.... or either getting up early in the morning walking before work.... The only thing about going to the gym is my son i don't want him to starve and i get so sick of buying him fast food so i think i am going to have to go to the gym like Wed-Friday and do 1-hour 45min between the elliptical and tredmill for 3-days in a row..so i can compress my workouts to 3-days but it will equal a 5-day workout... because I don't feel it would be right for me to take him to the gym everyday after school for about an hour and then when we get home its time for a bath, eat and go to sleep... I know I am the parent but there is more to life than just being selfish.... I love my son.... He dosent mind at all but I don't want the back lash of the temper meltdowns u know.. Also I went to lane bryant and bought some pants in a size smaller than what i would normally buy them in... I was in a 22 and i am down to a 20 and i think in a few weeks i may be able to get to a 18---What..... hell yes baby... and my tops are a 14/16 i was kinda shocked because it was a top that i liked and i was like well i think i will need a 18/20 and the lady was like u don't need a 18/20 the 14/16 should fit and it did.... I really feel like i am making big moves now and that all of the work i have put in is actually starting to show.... I am still eating wayyyy less than I have in a long time and I am still getting full fast also... so i know the band is working for me and I thank God every day for that... Some days I want to eat so much more because the food is good but i can't... I have never thrown up or choked on anything becasue i take this thing serious.. I take my time and chew my food and i dont rush when i eat. I really feel sorry for the ones that are having the 'PB' issues and the other issues that they are having. Everything is not for everyone... But i thank God that this is for me.... Also I am going to the gym today and I am going to do 1hr on the elliptical and try and do an 1hr on the treadmill... I just know i am going to have to have some really good music to listen to to keep my attention... lol...

Ok I need to take a boo'boo'...

I need to take a long sit on the toliet... I mean i need to take a really good dump... i feel it all in my stomach. Now last week when i went to the store to pick up some fiber pills i was being kind of lazy because i got the metamucil from walgreens, and i know i should have taken my lazy azz to the vitamin shop to get the kind i normally get. made by Solgar. psyllium husk fiber 500mg per capsule... and i just read the labels from both and the metamucil has less than .054g of fiber and the ones that i normally buy have way more... well i know now what i will take and stick to.. U know i did this before and the metamucil didn't work so i dont know why i purchased it again... i have a lot of choice words for myself right now... lol... But other than that i am pretty cool... I am going to drink a lot of water and take my freekin fiber right now and call it a wrap... so i can get my bloated azz up in the morning and hopefully take a nice size dump and workout....

Feeling better...

Well Sunday I went to church and i always say everytime i go there is a message for me. My pastor was speeking on what i needed to hear.. and he just confirmed that God has not bought me this far to leave me now... And i believe that with my entire heart.... Now I have been working out again this week monday, tues, and today is wednesday... on my elliptical trainer... I amped up the resistance to like 4 and my legs are really feeling it now.... ouch.. but as we all know no pain no gain... right... I can really tell the inches are coming off because my hips are not as big... everything is going down and i am truly amazed... It's not like i aint putting in the hard work... Some look at me like ok u are a single parent... how do u get up at 5am to workout... I had to realize that worked for me.. working out after work dosent work.. seeing that i have been at work since 9am and my son being in school as well then going to the gym to workout for an hour... yeah right... so i just get up early in the morning and do what i gotta do and i wont have to make him suffer and if there is something else we want to do after work we still can. It is hard, but i know after 2-more weeks of working out like this it will become a habit for me... I have to do something on a consistant basis for me to make it a habit... so i am definately on my way... my goal is to work out at least 5-6 days out of the week and i will be cool... But a-lot of people on lapbandtalk have showed me true love and u all would never know how much that has helped me to continue on. So many day u feel like giving up not because i'm not motivated to loose the weight but because i get lonely and i feel like i have no one to talk to but it never fails..... God puts people in the right place at the right time to say the right thing that will give u what u need to keep on doin what u are doing.. and i thank him everyday for that....

Trying not to be sad today....

Well today I am starting to go thru things so I can start to pack... so ready for my move... My son has my mother cell phone and he is playing with it. She would always give him her phone. The phone is still turned on i refuse to allow my father to get it turned off because her voice is still on her voice mail. I havent listened to it in a long while but when my baby had her phone he was like mommy call me on grannys phone.. I did and he pushed the wrong button and it went to her voice mail.. I started crying because I havent heard my mothers voice since Nov. 23, 2006 and it was so hard to hear her and not talk to her... I want to scream my freekin head off.... This shit is so hard to deal with... I miss my mother like crazy... and then out of no where my son says mommy when granny feels better I want to see her... I miss her mommy why can't i see granny..... I couldn't answer him and still havent answered him.... I can't because I want to see her too.... I have my moments where I am as strong as oak and other moments where I am as weak as a dried leaf... I know God has not bought me this far to leave me.....

Still doing my thang...

Well today was another great workout day. I am up to an hour on the elliptical machine and I am lovin it... I haven't had this much energy in a really long time. I am truly thankful for God allowing me to have the energy and strength to keep it movin... I really think I am motivating other people around me to get their act's together as well... They see that u truly have to put in something to get something out of it... Hey What u put in is what u will get out..

Ok today was my first fill...

Ok when i went into the office the first thing they want to do is to weigh u and i was like ok can i use the restroom, and the Dr. was like ohhh u r tying to be weighed with an empty bladder... and I said yes.. and he still weighed me...lol... what ever...My weight was the same.. as it has been a week after me being banded. I am 276. Not bad I have come a long way. One thing i will say is I know my body. When i start eating right and working out it takes me about 30-45 days for it to show on the scale which is crazy but that is how it has always worked for me, besides I am on my monthly friend which i know i am bloated and retaining water and everything else i look at...lol... seriously.... Ok now back to the fill part. I went into the office and the Dr. asked if i had any questions, of course I did.. I wanted to know how many cc's my band had in it when he put it in. He withdrew the fluid before he put more in and said that there were 3cc's in it already.. and he added 2cc's so i can now say that i have 5cc's in my 10cc band. I also asked over time if a person does not get a fill does it evaporate and he said yes it will, but just a tiny amount.. but the point is, is that it does evaporate. The Dr asked me to lay back. he put a pillow under my back.. and he felt for the port. He had no problems find the port at all... While i was laying back he asked me to lift my head a little then he came and assisted me to a sitting position while the needle was still in the port... WTF.... I looked at him like dude are u serious look at that big azz needle i was like i will smack the shit out of u if u have me to sit up any straighter.....I started to drink water as he was putting the fill in, no problem at all with drinking any fluids. Since I have been home i have eaten some soup so i am pretty cool. They wanted my 2nd apt to be on the 10th of July, but my girlfriend comes like clock work every month so that would not be a good idea for me so i called back and r/s it for the 24th of july.... Now let the games begin.....

I have to admit..

Ok.. when I gained my weight back was of course while i was prego.. i gained about 85lbs and my son weighed a whopping 7lbs 7oz...lol.. not like he could have weighed 30lbs or so huh.... but after my mom got sick it was hard for me to think about myself I felt selfish if I were to think about myself. .. But I had to snatch myself out and say that I am worth it... Everytime I went to the gym i would call my mom and say I did it... and she would say Trina I am so proud of u and I was so scared of starting working out again, because i know i would want to call her just for her to say that she was proud of me... My mom was my biggest cheerleader and I refuse to let her down... don't get me wrong I am not depressed or anything I am just reflecting on what would motivate me to keep up the excellent work and effort. My mom would tell me girlll if i had those hips i would be a badddd mamma jamma.... lol... She was so honest with me and God knows i miss that so much.... I know I am becoming a smarter, healither, better person than i was 5-years ago... God is my strength and my mom is my motivation......

Another great day checked

Today started off kinda of blaaaaaa because my father keeps pissing me off. My mother passed away November 27, 2006 and my father moved on with his life way before she got sick, and passed on.. A lot of what we go thru has to do with the stress levels in our life... and he caused her so much stress and i refuse for his crap to stress me out.... My son and I went to church and like i always say everytime i go to church there is a WORD FOR ME.... and I thank God for him keeping me. When we got back home I put on my workout clothes and sat down for a few minutes then i got up and got on the elliptical trainer... for yes 60-minutes.... on a SUNDAY.... WOW... i must say that I am totally impressed.. Last year before my lease was up i was in the process of looking for a 2-bedroom, however with my mother passing my father acted like things were going to be too hard on him... oh did i mention that he did not have any life insurance on her... what an ass hole... anyway.. I moved back to my parents home because there was more than enough room for myself and my son, but the year that I gave myself is up... my father made 3x my salary in 2007 and had the nerve top say things were going to be tight.. yeah because u are taking care of another family that u have and never came clean about.. it is hard to live 2-lives... Anyhoo i am moving out as of July 19th... One of the nicest places I have ever seen before..... God is truly good to me... Write the vision, make it plain... what he said he will do he will....

Today, today today....was the day..

That I decided to wear a skirt that i purchased when i lost weight the first time. I tried to wear it about 3-4 mths ago and it was tight as hell and I could barely take it off to use the restroom... I was like hell it aint never that serious, but I just realized that on today when i wore that skirt I had no problems pulling it up or down... I am so amazed.. and People at my work place are like wowww I can really see u comming down.. and the skirt was a tan cargo skirt with a split on each side... not hoochie but classy...lol... trust me...lol.... I might add I was looking rather hott... I will be so excited to go to my apt on thursday to see if I am going to get a fill or not...

A Female Biggest Looser...

Ok... I have been working out everyday now... I was at 30-minutes on the elliptical trainer, now I am up to 40-minutes and tomorrow I am going to do a full hour and keep maintaining that. I actually feel good and full of energy. I am really amazed at myself. I have to be @ work @ 9am and I get up 2 1/2 hours prior so i can make sure that I can get my workout in, take a shower and get my son, and myself ready. I love it when people look at me 2x like damn Trina is that u.... wow...

Doing rather well...

Well today is Sunday June 1st.. and i must say that I am doing rather well.. I can tell by looking at my face, neck, arms, and thighs and i can see the weight loss.. that is truly amazing.. I have more energy than I have had in a long time and i am really happy about that. I am so happy that i can't eat as much as i think i can. My 3-year old son eats more than i do now... lol and that is a good thing.. Earlier this week it did kinda make me mad because I was eating some cream of chicken & dumpling soup and i wanted to eat it all but after about 4-5 spoons i was like ahhhh damn i can't eat any more. My eyes are still bigger than my stomach. That will take some getting use too. I also said every other hour I will drink a bottle of water until I have drank at least 4 20oz to ensure that I have all of my water in.... I am just trying to be me, and I love the real me. I am so glad that I don't have to put on a front for anyone. I am not trying to impress anyone. Actually I am trying to impress myself... and I am doing that everyday.... God is so good to me and I thank him everyday for allowing me to make it this far... Just like my pastor said U have no idea what i have been thru so u wouldn't understand my praise... so if i jump up and say Thank U Jesus please don't stare at me either catch on or move...lol...