I'm back....

Well i have to apologize to myself for not taking the time to write my thoughts down. I know i will look back at this and truly appreciate it later.... Now I have lost an addt. 7lbs.. But i can truly say that the weight loss has been slow as hell.... I use to take anti hunger pills and i didnt realize how they helped me. I haven't taken any in about 2mths and I am going thru withdrawl and it seems like my weight loss is finally picking back up now.. Sad to say but the band does not control the urge to eat... that crap is truly in your head... there is no pill for that. If u are hungry then u are hungry.. but what if yr not hungry and u just want to eat then what? Sometimes i wish i would have gotten the gastric bypass and i would be so farther along than i am now. I want it to be if i eat sweets i get sick and i throw it back up, but with the band u can eat all of that crap... rice will get stuck but cookies wont.... wtf.... this is some crazy stuff but i went thru the pain and i am going to do what i have to do to get it off. I think i was frustrated because i didnt have a restriction, and i have one now it is hard grasping the fact that if i try to eat a spoon of rice it feel like my chest is going to split open but when i tried to eat a piece of my sons cookie that went down with no prob... I am lost.... but I will see what this week will bring as far as weight loss, I have started to step on the scale every other day now.. doing it once a month is crappy also.... uhhhhh I have a mini goal that i will be 245-250 before the end of the year... no matter what...

Today, today, today....

U know sometimes when i see people that are the size that i want to be i get so damn angry and jelous... I know that aint good but i am keepin it real with myself. This food thing is an addiction and it aint no joke... My criptionite is snacks and it pisses me off that i can still eat that kind of crap. I really wish everytime i get ready to eat something that i shouldnt i wish i would just get sick as hell... i think i am going to pray on that. because i want so bad not to eat the crap that made me fat in the first place. I know it is mind over matter, and my mind is truly getting back there. I know we all have setbacks, and i can tell that I am loosing weight but it is not coming off as fast as i would have hoped for it to.. now looking at my food intake lol.... it has not been all that great. I am going to start to keep a food journal and log my food intake everything i put into my mouth and see how that works..... I did not go thu that pain for nothing and i am going to get myself back on track now.. with my eating and working out....

R u kidding me...

Ok today I had a fill... my second one.. so i now have a total of 6cc's Pretty much bottom line the end of the story is i didn't loose any weight.... R u kidding.... hmmmm dosent sound right to me but whatever... I havent been working out like i know i should have because my damn elliptical trainer broke.... but now that i think about it... I sit next to 2 sorry azz women that eat and snack all damn day... and for the past few weeks i have been hungrier than normal and they always bring in these flamin hot cheese curls asking if i want some and ordering chicken wings and chineese food and crap.. now i dont fall into a lot of traps that they set, but i did have some of the flamin hot cheetos... and now that i look back i was doing rather well until that crap happened.. and then it was like i got constipated.... wow i am so pissed off at myself I know i could have done better and i go back in 4-weeks for another fill and trust me i am going to try my best to loose at least 10lbs I am going to do the damn thing and i am going to post on my blog everyday and that will actually help me be accountable for my actions...... uhhhhhh well one excuse is that i moved saturday and i was kinda overwhelmed but that is over and im good.... so now is the day for me to start understanding that i did this for me not anyone elso but me... and I will quote by the end of this year I will be at least 235lbs.... mark my words.........

Has it been that long.....

Well I haven't updated in a few weeks...WOW... well I am in the process of moving to my OWN PLACE AGAIN!!!! yayyyyyyy... I am so excited I can't sleep... The movers will be here at 8am and it is now 5am now I go to get another fill on thursday so at that point i will be weighing in and the whole 9---yards..... but one thing I can say is that things are still going good, but I can tell that I need another fill... I can eat more now than i was able to eat a few weeks ago... Hopefully i can get another 2'cc's and that will make it my sweet spot... God is so good to me and I thank him every day for blessing me!!!!

PART 2..

Now a little history i went with a guy that had a birthday april, 15, april 10, april 13, and this dude april 12... lol.... yeah right.. I know yall are all full of shit.... and then the October the 19th, 20, 21st, & the 26th. Why i attract guys in these 2-mths I don't know... but i have stopped focusing on not wanting to date guy's from that month and focusing on what i do want... Now when people get drunk or full of that monkey juice they tell the truth... He admited to me that he is in the process of breaking up with this girl he has been with for 1 1/2 years... WTF... are u breaking up with her for... now i must admit i know I look good, but what goes around comes around... he might be a good man and all, but I don't want u breaking up with this chick because u think u can have your dream come true with me... Not going to happen... I can't stand it when guys SEE something they think is better and it always hits them in the face... Been there done that.. but why did it take for him to get drunk to tell me that he has to break up with this girl and before yesterday he was like I really like u, u're the kind of person that I could fall in love with and marry..... but he couldn't be honest from the very beginning... uhhhhhh pisses me off.. it makes me want to go to the gym and workout for 3-hrs.... but they don't have the kids klub open today so the only thing i can do is to go downtown and walk outside by the lake front.... Oh by the way the Taste of Chicago is going on right now also....lol.. I'm doing good at the not eating when i'm hungry so i'm not worried at all... I have always know that when u loose weight guys flock to u so i just have to guard my emotions really well.. Because it's like dropping out of space into a new world that is brand new..

Lookin Good...

Well I must say that I was totally shocked at myself on yesterday. I went over to this guy's house that is trying to be more than just my FRIEND....hmmm.. Any how they had a lot of food... but i actually wasen't hungry and i have stopped eating when i'm not hungry and plus my baby wasen't hungry so it didn't make any sence to sit with a plate of food in my face and force feed myself... I am so getting better at stopping the bad behavior.... It feels so damn good... Now on to this dude... Ok his name is byron and about a month or so ago i was getting some gas and this guy pulled in the gas station behind me at first i didn't know he was trying to talk to me at all...because i was more focused on why the damn gas pump machine wasen't accepting my debit/credit card.... and he was like excuse me i had to pull over now i don't need any gas or anything out of the store, i pulled over to meet u!! wow... and i was like ok.. hello.... nice for u to stop... see u around... and he was like damn.. can i get a name or something.. sure it's trina and i'm a bitch...lol... He was like see most guys are scared to approach Fine women like yourself... they are scared to approach yall because they think yall are high strung... but i had to take a chance even if u shoot me down... hmmmm yeah ok... but see the real deal is I know GAME.. and i have ran GAME before and I know how to see that kind of crap a mile away... First i was like oh ok how many baby momma's do u have, and where is your girlfriend at now? He was like at first I don't have a girl friend.. yeah right... now a-day pretty much everyone has someone even if they don't want them..lol.. ok long story cut in 1/2 i gave him my # he called later that night.. we talked and he is cool... I alway as when a persons birthday is... because a rule i have is not to talk to any guy that has a birthday in April or October.... why is because I tend to fall for them really hard and they always are found to be on bullshit...

Ok!!!!!

Now yesterday I went to workout and i worked out for 1 1/2-hrs.. Yes, yes, yes I am so happy with myself. I am going today to workout and after I am done of course I will come back home shower and go and pick up my Todd....Yes my big boy spent the weekend with his gandmother (his dad's mom).. I know he misses my mom because he calls my mom granny and his dad's mother grandma and before i dropped him of on friday he was like mommy i miss my granny that was in the hospital. I love her... and I love my grandma I want to give her a big hug... I know he will always remember my mom... any whoo I really do feel good today i finally told my father yesterday that todd and i are moving out on july 19th and that it is harder than i could have ever imagined, and then he was like u know i don't think u miss her 1-minute more than i do... hmmm im sure because he would put all of the responsibility on her to make ends meet... like if the total monthly bill amt. came to 2500.00 a month he would give her 1000.00 and say oh well u figure it out... and she would.. thats why his black ass misses her because he actually has to be a man now.. and no one else is going to allow him to put a heavy load on them like my mom did... so in that regard i will agree...lol..... Then he was like well u could have given me a little more of a warning couldn't u? hmmmm well i actually related it to well i had no idea that my brother was going to be killed on that monday in november, and no clue that the day after thanksgiving my mother would be passing.. so nope this is the only heads up i was able to give... and i didn't say sorry 1x.... Today is a new day and God is great all the time.... Oh well i will prob. post again once i come from the gym again....

Things are going.....lol

Well wednesday I was in the middle of my morning workout and my damn elliptical machine was making this loud clicking noise...hmmm what could it be... i got off and shook it and got back on it and the lift leg just fell off.. Never the less i was pissed off but i am not going to be thrown off track... I got off and said ok its a wrap i took my shower and got my son up and got him ready for summer camp... the next day i decided to go and look a little further into what the problem was with my expensive elliptical machine... come to find out the steel bar that holds it together just broke in half.... I am so sure that it was a manufactur mistake..but i have had it for over a year and i did not buy an extended warranty....UGGGGGG that is my fault... I said that i was going to go back to buy it but i never did.. So that was my fault... so i guess i will have to start going back to the gym.... or either getting up early in the morning walking before work.... The only thing about going to the gym is my son i don't want him to starve and i get so sick of buying him fast food so i think i am going to have to go to the gym like Wed-Friday and do 1-hour 45min between the elliptical and tredmill for 3-days in a row..so i can compress my workouts to 3-days but it will equal a 5-day workout... because I don't feel it would be right for me to take him to the gym everyday after school for about an hour and then when we get home its time for a bath, eat and go to sleep... I know I am the parent but there is more to life than just being selfish.... I love my son.... He dosent mind at all but I don't want the back lash of the temper meltdowns u know.. Also I went to lane bryant and bought some pants in a size smaller than what i would normally buy them in... I was in a 22 and i am down to a 20 and i think in a few weeks i may be able to get to a 18---What..... hell yes baby... and my tops are a 14/16 i was kinda shocked because it was a top that i liked and i was like well i think i will need a 18/20 and the lady was like u don't need a 18/20 the 14/16 should fit and it did.... I really feel like i am making big moves now and that all of the work i have put in is actually starting to show.... I am still eating wayyyy less than I have in a long time and I am still getting full fast also... so i know the band is working for me and I thank God every day for that... Some days I want to eat so much more because the food is good but i can't... I have never thrown up or choked on anything becasue i take this thing serious.. I take my time and chew my food and i dont rush when i eat. I really feel sorry for the ones that are having the 'PB' issues and the other issues that they are having. Everything is not for everyone... But i thank God that this is for me.... Also I am going to the gym today and I am going to do 1hr on the elliptical and try and do an 1hr on the treadmill... I just know i am going to have to have some really good music to listen to to keep my attention... lol...

Ok I need to take a boo'boo'...

I need to take a long sit on the toliet... I mean i need to take a really good dump... i feel it all in my stomach. Now last week when i went to the store to pick up some fiber pills i was being kind of lazy because i got the metamucil from walgreens, and i know i should have taken my lazy azz to the vitamin shop to get the kind i normally get. made by Solgar. psyllium husk fiber 500mg per capsule... and i just read the labels from both and the metamucil has less than .054g of fiber and the ones that i normally buy have way more... well i know now what i will take and stick to.. U know i did this before and the metamucil didn't work so i dont know why i purchased it again... i have a lot of choice words for myself right now... lol... But other than that i am pretty cool... I am going to drink a lot of water and take my freekin fiber right now and call it a wrap... so i can get my bloated azz up in the morning and hopefully take a nice size dump and workout....

Feeling better...

Well Sunday I went to church and i always say everytime i go there is a message for me. My pastor was speeking on what i needed to hear.. and he just confirmed that God has not bought me this far to leave me now... And i believe that with my entire heart.... Now I have been working out again this week monday, tues, and today is wednesday... on my elliptical trainer... I amped up the resistance to like 4 and my legs are really feeling it now.... ouch.. but as we all know no pain no gain... right... I can really tell the inches are coming off because my hips are not as big... everything is going down and i am truly amazed... It's not like i aint putting in the hard work... Some look at me like ok u are a single parent... how do u get up at 5am to workout... I had to realize that worked for me.. working out after work dosent work.. seeing that i have been at work since 9am and my son being in school as well then going to the gym to workout for an hour... yeah right... so i just get up early in the morning and do what i gotta do and i wont have to make him suffer and if there is something else we want to do after work we still can. It is hard, but i know after 2-more weeks of working out like this it will become a habit for me... I have to do something on a consistant basis for me to make it a habit... so i am definately on my way... my goal is to work out at least 5-6 days out of the week and i will be cool... But a-lot of people on lapbandtalk have showed me true love and u all would never know how much that has helped me to continue on. So many day u feel like giving up not because i'm not motivated to loose the weight but because i get lonely and i feel like i have no one to talk to but it never fails..... God puts people in the right place at the right time to say the right thing that will give u what u need to keep on doin what u are doing.. and i thank him everyday for that....

Trying not to be sad today....

Well today I am starting to go thru things so I can start to pack... so ready for my move... My son has my mother cell phone and he is playing with it. She would always give him her phone. The phone is still turned on i refuse to allow my father to get it turned off because her voice is still on her voice mail. I havent listened to it in a long while but when my baby had her phone he was like mommy call me on grannys phone.. I did and he pushed the wrong button and it went to her voice mail.. I started crying because I havent heard my mothers voice since Nov. 23, 2006 and it was so hard to hear her and not talk to her... I want to scream my freekin head off.... This shit is so hard to deal with... I miss my mother like crazy... and then out of no where my son says mommy when granny feels better I want to see her... I miss her mommy why can't i see granny..... I couldn't answer him and still havent answered him.... I can't because I want to see her too.... I have my moments where I am as strong as oak and other moments where I am as weak as a dried leaf... I know God has not bought me this far to leave me.....

Still doing my thang...

Well today was another great workout day. I am up to an hour on the elliptical machine and I am lovin it... I haven't had this much energy in a really long time. I am truly thankful for God allowing me to have the energy and strength to keep it movin... I really think I am motivating other people around me to get their act's together as well... They see that u truly have to put in something to get something out of it... Hey What u put in is what u will get out..

Ok today was my first fill...

Ok when i went into the office the first thing they want to do is to weigh u and i was like ok can i use the restroom, and the Dr. was like ohhh u r tying to be weighed with an empty bladder... and I said yes.. and he still weighed me...lol... what ever...My weight was the same.. as it has been a week after me being banded. I am 276. Not bad I have come a long way. One thing i will say is I know my body. When i start eating right and working out it takes me about 30-45 days for it to show on the scale which is crazy but that is how it has always worked for me, besides I am on my monthly friend which i know i am bloated and retaining water and everything else i look at...lol... seriously.... Ok now back to the fill part. I went into the office and the Dr. asked if i had any questions, of course I did.. I wanted to know how many cc's my band had in it when he put it in. He withdrew the fluid before he put more in and said that there were 3cc's in it already.. and he added 2cc's so i can now say that i have 5cc's in my 10cc band. I also asked over time if a person does not get a fill does it evaporate and he said yes it will, but just a tiny amount.. but the point is, is that it does evaporate. The Dr asked me to lay back. he put a pillow under my back.. and he felt for the port. He had no problems find the port at all... While i was laying back he asked me to lift my head a little then he came and assisted me to a sitting position while the needle was still in the port... WTF.... I looked at him like dude are u serious look at that big azz needle i was like i will smack the shit out of u if u have me to sit up any straighter.....I started to drink water as he was putting the fill in, no problem at all with drinking any fluids. Since I have been home i have eaten some soup so i am pretty cool. They wanted my 2nd apt to be on the 10th of July, but my girlfriend comes like clock work every month so that would not be a good idea for me so i called back and r/s it for the 24th of july.... Now let the games begin.....

I have to admit..

Ok.. when I gained my weight back was of course while i was prego.. i gained about 85lbs and my son weighed a whopping 7lbs 7oz...lol.. not like he could have weighed 30lbs or so huh.... but after my mom got sick it was hard for me to think about myself I felt selfish if I were to think about myself. .. But I had to snatch myself out and say that I am worth it... Everytime I went to the gym i would call my mom and say I did it... and she would say Trina I am so proud of u and I was so scared of starting working out again, because i know i would want to call her just for her to say that she was proud of me... My mom was my biggest cheerleader and I refuse to let her down... don't get me wrong I am not depressed or anything I am just reflecting on what would motivate me to keep up the excellent work and effort. My mom would tell me girlll if i had those hips i would be a badddd mamma jamma.... lol... She was so honest with me and God knows i miss that so much.... I know I am becoming a smarter, healither, better person than i was 5-years ago... God is my strength and my mom is my motivation......

Another great day checked

Today started off kinda of blaaaaaa because my father keeps pissing me off. My mother passed away November 27, 2006 and my father moved on with his life way before she got sick, and passed on.. A lot of what we go thru has to do with the stress levels in our life... and he caused her so much stress and i refuse for his crap to stress me out.... My son and I went to church and like i always say everytime i go to church there is a WORD FOR ME.... and I thank God for him keeping me. When we got back home I put on my workout clothes and sat down for a few minutes then i got up and got on the elliptical trainer... for yes 60-minutes.... on a SUNDAY.... WOW... i must say that I am totally impressed.. Last year before my lease was up i was in the process of looking for a 2-bedroom, however with my mother passing my father acted like things were going to be too hard on him... oh did i mention that he did not have any life insurance on her... what an ass hole... anyway.. I moved back to my parents home because there was more than enough room for myself and my son, but the year that I gave myself is up... my father made 3x my salary in 2007 and had the nerve top say things were going to be tight.. yeah because u are taking care of another family that u have and never came clean about.. it is hard to live 2-lives... Anyhoo i am moving out as of July 19th... One of the nicest places I have ever seen before..... God is truly good to me... Write the vision, make it plain... what he said he will do he will....

Today, today today....was the day..

That I decided to wear a skirt that i purchased when i lost weight the first time. I tried to wear it about 3-4 mths ago and it was tight as hell and I could barely take it off to use the restroom... I was like hell it aint never that serious, but I just realized that on today when i wore that skirt I had no problems pulling it up or down... I am so amazed.. and People at my work place are like wowww I can really see u comming down.. and the skirt was a tan cargo skirt with a split on each side... not hoochie but classy...lol... trust me...lol.... I might add I was looking rather hott... I will be so excited to go to my apt on thursday to see if I am going to get a fill or not...

A Female Biggest Looser...

Ok... I have been working out everyday now... I was at 30-minutes on the elliptical trainer, now I am up to 40-minutes and tomorrow I am going to do a full hour and keep maintaining that. I actually feel good and full of energy. I am really amazed at myself. I have to be @ work @ 9am and I get up 2 1/2 hours prior so i can make sure that I can get my workout in, take a shower and get my son, and myself ready. I love it when people look at me 2x like damn Trina is that u.... wow...

Doing rather well...

Well today is Sunday June 1st.. and i must say that I am doing rather well.. I can tell by looking at my face, neck, arms, and thighs and i can see the weight loss.. that is truly amazing.. I have more energy than I have had in a long time and i am really happy about that. I am so happy that i can't eat as much as i think i can. My 3-year old son eats more than i do now... lol and that is a good thing.. Earlier this week it did kinda make me mad because I was eating some cream of chicken & dumpling soup and i wanted to eat it all but after about 4-5 spoons i was like ahhhh damn i can't eat any more. My eyes are still bigger than my stomach. That will take some getting use too. I also said every other hour I will drink a bottle of water until I have drank at least 4 20oz to ensure that I have all of my water in.... I am just trying to be me, and I love the real me. I am so glad that I don't have to put on a front for anyone. I am not trying to impress anyone. Actually I am trying to impress myself... and I am doing that everyday.... God is so good to me and I thank him everyday for allowing me to make it this far... Just like my pastor said U have no idea what i have been thru so u wouldn't understand my praise... so if i jump up and say Thank U Jesus please don't stare at me either catch on or move...lol...

Worked out...

Yesterday Tuesday I went to the gym and worked out on the ellptical trainer for about 35-minutes. I could have done longer, however i did notwant to over do it.. Now i am up about to take a shower and i am not sore at all... I can say that i feel pretty good... :-) What is so funny is that some of the girls at work are like girl i can tell u are loosing weight already... they act like i just started eating right since i got the band uhhh no this process started way before the 15th of may...lol.. but it's all good I would have never thought that i would be this cool with everything. I have read that so many people have diffrent problems with keeping their food down and not being able to eat certain things, but i thank God that I already prayed about everything going perfect with the band and my system. All things are possiable to them that believe. God has been so good to me and I thank him everyday that I am no longer tempted to eat like a glutten. lol... Oh we had a pot luck yesterday at work yesterday, and i made a peach cobbler for my team per my supervisors request. They were like how do u know its good if u cant eat it and i was like i put some of the juicy part in a bowl and i tasted it and then i let my son taste it and he gave me the thumbs up...lol.. i dont have to eat a portion to know i know how to cook...lol... one of the girls on the team made chicken and rice soup and it was so good. That was all i had... now let me tell u how my will power is. In the room there were 2 pans of fried chicken spagetti with meat in it, taco salad, macaroni salad, chocolate cake, greens, muffins, cream of chicken soup, macaroni and cheese, bread, pop, ice cream, and peach cobbler. and all i had was a little bowl of soup... they were looking at me like are u serious... that's it... ha ha ha ... yup.....

Getting better but still have bad gas...

LOL... Well i feel pretty good today, but the gas is really starting to get on my nerve... I can actually tell by looking at myself that I am loosing weight... sometimes it takes others to look at u to be able to tell but i can actually tell myself. I feel pretty good. I was going to go to LA Fittness today but being that it is the holiday the kids club wasent open... how sad...lol.. so i guess i will go tomorrow thru thursday. The whole part about why i can only go 4-day's a week is because the kids club closes on friday @ noon and my day's off are sat & sunday and not going to church is not an option and i still have to have a day to run around and do shopping and stuff... and I also told my son that 1x a week if he is good and behaves i will take him to chuck e cheese on friday's since we wont be going to the gym... It is all good... I know that when i lost weight before i was eating right and working out like 5-days a week and i averaged about 15-22 lbs a month in weight loss, so i know i should do about the same thing but anything less than 15lbs a mth would not be ok with me by any means... and one other thing that pisses me off is when u read the message boards on some of the sites and people that never got their azzes up the workout always say i have been banded for 3-yrs and have only lost 18lbs wtf.. why would u go and get the lap band if u were not ready to change your eating habits.... that is the craziest thing i have ever heard... thats why it is so hard for some people to get approval because they r really not going to make the change they just want it becuase they think it's a mini gastric bypass but safer and it's totally diffrent... alright talk to u later... gotta go and wash my truck..

The fine days after my new beginning....

I must say that my last meal was on Wednesday... and my sug. was on thursday so of course i didn't eat anything on thursday and friday yeah right.... saturday...joke and sunday yeah ok... I seriously thought i was going to die.... I was like just sitting and starring like i couldn't move... i had no strength to do anything i was stuck... My mom came to me in vision i will say and said Trina get up and get u some water and mix some sugar in it and just sip on that baby... drink some more for momma.... and i did i swear it was like she was here and i started to feel better right away. This was monday morning at like 2 or 3ish in the am like it is now..... I will always love MY MOMMA.... I had to stop taking the pain meds. because they were making me sicker and more nausaeated how crazy... take away the pain, but leave something else wrong...uhhhh nope... I just prayed about it. and I will say I feel so much better now and I know that I have beat the hell out of this fat deamon, killed it and sent it back to hell from where it came from. I will no longer be a slave to food. Bottom line. I have taken control back from the enemy. All i can say is God is great. Is there anything too hard for God? Nope.. I am a living witness.... One thig i do know and realize that with reading the post on ohhelp.com, and lapbandtalk.com is that everyone says everyday is a better day and it is..... so true.... I know GOD had great things in store for me know.... Watch out world here I come!!!!!

The day of my new beginning....

Ok I was finally banded on 5-15-2008. I actually got up early and took my son to school. Prayed over him hugged and kissed him, and when i got back to the house the limo was already here to pick me up. Wow this is so cool... i parked got in and we were on our way. When i arrived i filled out the little paper work that i had to fill out and i did my EKG passed.... :-) and a few minutes later i was taken to the waiting area. I had to change into my lovely robe and slippers uhhhh lol.. i was really excited... My Surgeon was actually preforming on someone when i arrived, but right before they were ready for me he came and shook my hand, and asked if i had any questions of course i did... How large is the band u are going to put in. He said 10cc and it actually comes with a fill so i will start loosing weight right off the back... HOW EXCELLENT!!!! is that... other little stuff and off he went, and the anstialogist came in and gave me my iv line... preped me...he was cool... i used the rest room 1-last time and i was off to the o.r. all i remembered asking was are u all going to tape this and they laughed and said no the tv is just to show us what we are doing...lol... then he said u might feel a little sting and i said ok... and it was over. I woke up in the recovery room and I asked how did everything go and he said PERFECT!!!!... I was like was my liver small enough and he said it couldn't have went better. You were a model patiend.... That's what i'm talking about... WHAT!!!!!!!!!... Hell i wasen't starving for nothing....lol.... But then the post op nurse came in and started asking me about pain.. I told her that i needed some pain meds.. she gave it to me, checked my blood pressure and gave me a few sips of water... everything A-OK... I was in recovery for a few hours and then i was off. The driver came back to pick me up took me home where i laid on the couch not to far from the front door lol... because i knew i had to pick up my son. OH MY GOD!!!! WHEN I SAY I WAS in pain baby.... i refuse to lie to anyone. I was in some pain. I should have demanded not just asked for more help and assistance from my friends, and or family since my brother and mother passed away.. because trying to do it by yourself is no JOKE.... I went to CVS to get my perscription filled and felt like i was going to pass out in the drive thru... I had to take the first dose of my pain meds right there it was so bad... I finally got home got my son something to eat, i turned on the TV for him and he had his toys he was good to go. I told him mommy had a tummy ache and that i was going to lay down... and that was all she wrote...

The last day as a Fat person....

Well today is my official day as a fat person. I will be banded on tomorrow on May 15th and I am so excited. It has taken me so long to finally get to this point, because I was always putting it off because of what others may have said, thought or did. This is about me at this point. I am ready to start being the person I always I knew I was in the inside, but the outside reflected someone else. I am going to work the hell out of this band. I am not going to slack on my working out at all, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I am ready to prove to myself that I can acheive anything I want... The point is if i want it bad enough..... and I want this like i long to be debt free.... and I will acheive that as well... I am so thankful and grateful for a successful banding on tomorrow, and a healthy life to begin as well. I know my mother and brother will be right there with me making sure that every thing goes ok... God is my strength and my source. Whom or what shall I fear? Is there anything too hard for God? I am charging my digital camera now so when i start on my journey in the morning I will be taking pictures like im on tour or something. One of the best things about it is that I will be picked up in a limo and i will be having the procedure done on Michigan Avenue in Down Town Chicago the Mag. Mile... WOW...... I'm off to sleep so i will chat with u tomorrow.... Get ready world here I come....

Counting down...

Ok I am counting down today is Saturday, and Tuesday i have to go to do my blood work, and then on thursday...Is my new Birthday....yeah baby.... I am so happy.. I am well into my pre-op diet and I am actually doing good. I can eat 1 meal a day and since I don't eat pork, or beef I pretty much keep it turkey and chicken....I can also say that 90% of loosing weight is in your head. As crazy as that sounds it is... I was on the way from getting my son's hair cut yesterday after work, and school and i was like I cant wait to eat... omg i am so hungry but i wasent actually hungry i know i just had my shakes, and my v-8 juice crystal lyte, chicken broth, no REAL FOOD.. I said it is a life style change because i am so use to eating something even if it's snacking... and i'm not hungry... how sad... but when u know better u can do better.... and I am... HOLLA.....Now that's whats up....lol

Really determined.....

Now it is 3:57 in the am, and my dumb ass is up typing on the computer like i don't have to be at work @ 9am. hmmmm I wouldn't say that I am pissed off or anything but it really does bother me for people that are trying to loose weight not give it their all. What I mean by that is for example I have a new pod buddy @ work and she is the size I was orig. before i started to loose weight, and she is like girlll what r u doing? I let her know that I am not doing all of the sinceless snacking and if i do i'm eating baked lays and not regular ones, and i am drinking water, wylers lyte or crystal lyte, drinking slim fast, and so on... and 10-minutes later she pulls a bag of regular ruffles out of the drawer and was like girllll i'm going to start eating right tomorrow.. lol.. she says this shit everyday and i'm like baby girl u don't have to try to impress me. I am loosing weight for me. I don't have low self esteem. I know I am a show stopper... what...... holla....lol.. :-) But anyway.. then she pulled a fried ham, cheese, sandwich out of her drawer wrapped in foil.. im like WTF.... are u eating over there smelling like u have a microwave under your desk. Girl nothin... yeah ok... then 10-minutes later she is like ok ok i'm going to stop, but i need your help. I was like no u need your own help. First you need not to be nasty get a handy wipe or some hand cleanser and wipe the nasty greese off of your hands before u pick up my book then you may continue to talk to me....lol... It's like most people want to loose weight because they see others like myself loosing it, and they don't want to be left behind. DO IT FOR YOU NOT FOR ME..... I have an outgoing personality, and once i am determined to do something I will do it. I think it is the competitive part of my mother in me that refuses to fail. I will never do something with the intention of putting in 1/2 of my best. I will put 110% in or i wont do it at all. I guess that is why it took me 3-years to start again after i gained the weight back from having my son.

The same person was like well what is your size goal and i was like well a size 10 and she was like ohhhhh noooo girl u will look like a crack head... and i was like ok well once i get to a size 11 or 12 if i am ok with that then i will maintain that, but it's not about what u may like because i c u like being overweight and fine where u are. It's about being ok with yourself, and she was like well have u ever been a size 10 before and i was like NOPE... and she was like well why not a size 14 and i said because a size 14 is too close to a size 18 which is not ok for me to be in. Do u understand that it is still an unhealty weight rang and size for a person. I was like if u can gain 10-15lbs and have to go to the next size that's not cool... I want to have a cushion meaning if my weight goes up and down a tad i will still be in the same size... A size 10 may not be ok for u but im sure it will be ok for me. I said I have never been a millionaire before and I believe I can make that happen as well.. Now what....

I think more or less it just buggs the hell out of me to see people that want to loose weight but not want to put in the work to get there. I need the assistance with the band so i wont be as hungry, but at the same time i'm willing to put in the work by not eating the same bull shit that got me fat in the first place, and getting up off my fat azz and work out... I wish everyone that wanted to loose weight would just wait until they are really truly ready then start the process, but it ain't cool to start on a diet every other monday. Trust and believe me when i say other's bad habits are not going to make me turn around because I know who I am and what i want out of this life, and I have made the decision to stop being a slave to food... How about that......

Ok i got my approval today..

That was some of the best news i have received in a really long time from them. Now my band date is may15th and if i dont do this pre-op diet right i will fight myself and beat the shit out of my own self...lol..not kidding... I am so determined to get this fat off of my butt it aint funny... It's all good.. now i'm going to log on off now... because my space bar is sticking and it's pissing me off...lol...

The waiting game..

Ok so everything has been submitted to the insurance company now im just waiting to see when the procedure will be. When I talked to the young lady on Friday.. she was like well u know u will have like 2-weeks that u have to do the pre-op diet.. and i was like yeah i know.. hell as long as it has taken yall i have lost damn near 75lbs... ok well not 75 prehaps 10-15lbs lol.. I was like listen lady.. I have been waiting so long to get this done I will drink all shakes for 7 straight days without 1 regular meal... or either wire my freekn mouth shut.. and she had to put the phone down because she was laughfing so hard... and im like whats so funny.. I'm serious...lol.. but really... when she gives me a band date i am going to do what i say im going to do... hungry and all...

4-17-2008

Ok today I called that freekin place that are taking forever sending my info over. That lady pissed me off she had the nerve to say oh we mailed it out on the 11th Hello u are downtown chicago 1 E. Superior, and u are sending it to the Water Tower...WTF... how long do u think it takes for a piece of mail to go within the same freekin zipcode.. I am so tired of playing with these people it aint funny....my patience is wearring really thinn.......

4-16-2008

Well today is Wednesday, and I am so ready to have my lap band done it ain't funny. I have been doing good so far with getting mentally ready for it. I am so tired of not being the person that I know I am on the inside out. I know I am a georgeous woman, sexy and all of the above. I just want that damnnn type of look when i walk in the room. People tell me that I look good the way I am, but I know I can do better, and I am going to do better starting now. I haven't been working out like I know I should, however I am going to start back working out on tomorrow, and I promise myself I will. Before June I will have lost 30lbs...